I taught myself how to break the art rules I was shown as a child. Which required a perfect blend of both irreverence and trust.
I had to trust myself. My hands had to learn to work with my eyes and brain in a way that was off road. Untethered. Untamed. Like breaking a wild foal in a field full of sweeping winds. As the blades of grass danced across the horizon, I found myself holding the reigns of my own experience.
Knowing the colors I chose, the brushstrokes and marks that emerged, were mine and mine alone to construct, control, and conduct.
There was no greater feeling than coloring outside the lines. Feeling like a free agent. Feeling like no one could take this from me. It was mine.
I was born rogue and unapologetic.
That’s what kept bringing me back to blank canvases over and over. A part of me couldn’t exist without the possibilities that painting has allowed me to experience. I couldn’t express myself in any other way and I feared a part of me would die without the right expression.
Messing up, discouragement and “ugly” art is no less important on the creative path than all the beauty, accuracy or achievements.
No mud, no lotus.
I worked through many things while painting this, and I could literally feel the emotions being transmuted while doing so 🤍
I started this painting in 2017, on and off, and I painted over it 3 times before reaching this final version 🤍
The first version was a golden tan, off white, white ethereal abstract with glass beads mixed in places and a little steak of teal in the top left…it was very reminiscent of what I was experiencing back then after experiencing postpartum depression for the first of two times ✨
The second version was a golden goddess with her back turned and hair flowing, you may remember her from 2019 when I was very pregnant with Leo that summer 🤍
I felt she was Arianrhod, the Celtic Goddess of fertility, rebirth and the weaving of cosmic time and fate 🌌
The third version was the abstract sunset that you can see underneath, which I didn’t plan on placing a female figure on top of at the time 🌅
The fourth version is the fiery Phoenix Rising + Warrior Goddess Energy Archetypes you see today 💖
Oil paint, Acrylic & iridescent medium on linen board
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